It's perfectly normal for the initial excitement of a new relationship to wear off over time. External temptations, the arrival of a baby, doubts, routine, and life tend to keep love away.
How to rekindle this fire of lost love? How to rediscover the bond, the bursts of laughter, and the joys like the beginning of relationships?
This article is right for you when you're looking for the best ways to freshen up your relationship or save your marriage! So the question is how to rekindle the flame of love in your relationship.
However, if you're finding that your love spark is starting to dull, don't worry; you're not alone. A lot of couples go through this stage in their relationship. But don't panic – you can do plenty of exercises to help reignite the flame!
This article will discuss 17 practices that can help freshen up your relationship.
Let's start now!
1. Find the right state of mind
Have you ever seen one couple fight, walk away, come back together, and start all over again? They feel hurt actually, but never show it or tell their spouse.
And you can see from their actions and the way they carry themselves that they still love each other. But because they feel hurt, they lack a better word to talk to each other.
They end up giving a lot of hurtful words to each other because they feel they are right.
Have you ever wondered why these people continue despite their difficulties or what keeps them together?
Well, maybe they accept their spouse because they think that their partner is not perfect, and they keep their relationship for the sake of their kids.
An example? Here is a simple one that will probably talk to you and help you understand how to rekindle the flame:
The husband and wife are working every day except Sunday. Every morning the husband dropped off his children at school while the wife picked them up at the end of the afternoon after work. When she comes home with her child, she tells her child to take a bath and prepare the meal. Later, her husband arrives with the groceries that her wife needs. Then the husband goes out to rest on the balcony without helping his wife. The wife gets angry and rushes out onto the balcony and expressly asks him to help her. Then the husband gets mad and says, "It's not my work." And there was happen a quarrel between them.
In this context, the woman feels despised.
She gets angry and talks about it to her friends, who confirm her ideas: "your husband is useless."
But the wife didn't realize that her man had not rested all day. As soon as he woke up, he could not take his coffee quietly because he had to prepare the children and take them to school. He followed up with a day's work and a trip to the supermarket. When he got home, he only dreamed of one thing: to have a little time for himself.
Who is right?
Both, of course! In this story, the two lovers are moving apart; instead of living for each other, and helping each other, they have become two enemies who only dream of one thing: to find a little oxygen, to feel a little freer daily.
The frustration, the hassles of everyday life, and especially their overloaded schedules have distanced them from each other; they absolutely must find the right state of mind if they want to succeed in rekindling the flame in their relationship.
Exercise No. 1: Adopt a new state of mind. Remember that your spouse is your partner, not your enemy. Instead of blaming him for everything he does, ask yourself why he acts like this without falling into paranoia (e.g.: "he purposely stays in the bathroom for a long time so as not to worry about children!"). Stay positive and, above all, understand. We all tend to pull the blanket towards us because we are naturally selfish. However, you live together, and you have to share the tasks fairly and the little moments of pleasure.
2. Rediscover mutual attraction
Think back to the good times you had together when you and your partner fell in love. Were you drawn to his humor? By his glowing gaze that had burned you from your first meeting. Where did the spark come from?
You are more yourself, it is obvious, and this seduction must be able to recover, provided you give yourself the means.
Exercise No. 2: Revisit your past return to this restaurant where you shared your first meal. Your feelings are not dead, and it is time to dig them up to make them breathe!
Physically, do not hesitate to do the maximum to regain your charisma, especially if the years as a couple have given way to a certain carelessness.
3. Surprise your partner to freshen up the relationship
Chances are, you haven't surprised your partner for a long time. To surprise him, make him want to trust you, spend more time with you, and rekindle the flame in the couple, you can, for example:
- you are more interested than usual in what he does in the day;
- share more of their passions;
- offer him an outing that you have never done before;
- give you a makeover;
- practice a new activity;
- put you on a diet and/or exercise;
Exercise No. 3: Starting today, change something in your habits. For example, you can give a massage, cook a favorite meal, or take a shower with you. Regardless, the point is to mesmerize your partner positively!
You can also find out how to Freshen Up Your Relationship.
4. Understand what took you apart
It can happen that children, whether babies, toddlers, or teenagers, indirectly push couples away. Women, fully invested in their role as mothers, tend to abandon their men to devote themselves entirely to their offspring.
Although this trend is difficult to admit, it is genuine and concerns many couples. That may not be your case, and besides, you may not have children. Either way, you'll have to find what may have kept you apart.
The reasons can be multiple and cumulative. For example, maybe you have different interests, and by no longer making efforts or concessions, you end up living like two single people in a shared apartment. Maybe at some point, too, you got on your nerves, and then you gave up.
Finally, it may be that life has made you take different paths, that routine has invaded you, or that you have forgotten yourself in favor of other projects (passions, work, etc.).
Today, the observation is precise: you have moved away from each other, but you want to find yourself as soon as possible.
Exercise No. 4: To quickly rekindle the flame in your couple, it is necessary to put your finger on the element that triggered the "separation." Talk to your partner without offending them. Explain to him that you want things to go better between you. For that, you must remove the thorn that is blocking the positive development of your relationship. If you're no longer in a relationship, read our article!
When sadness and anger are present, we all tend to move away physically. It becomes less and less natural to kiss each other before going to work or to say goodnight; we no longer walk hand in hand and sleep less and less often entwined.
Yet, physical contact has been shown to impact romantic relationships directly. Indeed, cuddling, feeling the touch of his partner, and kissing him (especially with the tongue) generate oxytocin production, the hormone of attachment and love.
Exercise No. 5: Are you wondering how to rekindle the flame? Run your hand gently behind your partner's back while doing the dishes while chatting with the neighbors while brushing his teeth. Snuggle up to her in front of the TV if you're female; if you're male, hug her. Take her hand, close your eyes and put your cheek against hers. You will see this contact will help you rekindle the flame in the couple. Remember to maintain this physical contact, and it is extremely important.
6. Rediscover the dialogue within the couple
One of the main reasons the flame goes out in a couple is the lack of dialogue. Following discussions that ended badly, the two partners no longer dare to tell each other everything they feel.
It is because of fear of making the other suffer, of receiving a reaction of anger or rejection.
Suddenly, discomfort sets in; we feel less close to the other, suffer from not trusting him completely and carry the burden of what no longer works in the relationship.
Exercise No.6: There are no secrets; to rekindle the flame, you must agree with your partner to open a sincere dialogue. Even though it is painful, it will make you feel better. Explain to your partner that you are open to discussion and always think before speaking (especially if it's to send them spikes!).
7. Shake up everyday life
The routine does not only have flaws; it allows you to feel good, to be confident, and to know where you are going and what you will find.
However, when the day-to-day becomes monotonous, it can become a danger for the couple.
Are you wondering how to find the flame in your relationship? First, pay attention to your habits: what are they?
Do you think they are really useful and what do they do for you? Can you find a moment to shake up your everyday life, and how could you change some things without spending money or creating new constraints?
Exercise No. 7: For example, you can reverse the tasks for a while (shopping, washing up, folding sheets, laundry, etc.). In this way, you will each step into the other's shoes, and this will strengthen your bond.
8. Kiss to rekindle the flame!
We evoked the kiss and its powers in the fifth point, and we develop it here. While physical contact may be unintentional, you won't have difficulty making your intentions clear by kissing your partner.
Exercise No. 8: Kiss yourself as if it was the first time, feel this thrill run through your body, and let all your emotions, all your love, flow into it. A simple kiss can melt the ice and ease the deepest negative feelings. In addition to this, we have received several comments from Internet users indicating that it is the best way to rekindle the flame in your relationship.
9. Change the environment to save your marriage
Even the prettiest house can look like a prison if you've been through terrible times or if you stay there too long.
Go on a romantic weekend, and visit the country! Get out of your routine to boost your relationship.
Also, change the furniture arrangement or the color of your wallpaper. Change is a solid psychological sign in that it reflects a new state of mind, the desire to make a fresh start.
Exercise No. 9: Find your ideas from our example below to re-spark your relationship!
We wondered how to rekindle the flame in my relationship that was no longer working, but we didn't know why. We both felt oppressed, and we had had enough. So we took the initiative to look for a new apartment and started the move (after talking to him). The new apartment was the same price, but it was brighter, warmer, and had a nice little corner for us to meet. In the beginning, we had chosen the other because it was close to my workplace, but we had changed jobs in the meantime. In short, this change has revived our relationship, it has strengthened our bond, and we feel much better. Sometimes it's pretty silly; all it takes is something to rekindle the flame in your relationship!
10. Respect yourself as at the beginning
Paradoxical as it may sound, we often treat people we don't know with more respect than those who share our lives.
We always pay attention to our manners and behavior in public.
Is it fair enough to let go and feel so comfortable with someone that we forget politeness, courtesy, and respect? We do not believe that.
Exercise No. 10: Compliment your partner, be polite and treat him in a way that makes him feel all the affection you feel towards him, and you will see that the situation will start to evolve positively.
11. Refuse conflicts
While conflict can help release stress and resentment, it doesn't have to be systematic!
Have you got into the habit of talking badly to each other and getting into conflict on every subject? Together, decide to be cooler and try to argue less. For this, each of you will have to make efforts and concessions.
Keep one thing in mind: Neither of you is right or wrong! Indeed, the reality is different for each individual since it depends on education, culture, experience, and even the day's mood. Also, if you find that your partner is annoying because he always puts yogurt in the wrong place in the fridge, ask yourself if your solution is really better and why.
If you conclude that you are logical and that your solution is much better, then you will have to learn to let go and take a little distance from things by asking yourself a second question:
If I say nothing and I agree to do as my partner wants, what will I lose and what will I gain?
By answering this question, you will understand that putting yogurt in the "right" place is not that important.
But, on the other hand, keeping a pleasant climate within the couple is much more! You won't annoy your partner by avoiding unpleasant thinking, and he will not notice anything (or, even better, he will see that you have made an effort by not saying anything). Instead, you can continue your day in a good mood.
If you say what's on your mind (when it's absolutely useless), you will feel free from a burden, but you will have pissed off your partner, and the rest of the day will be sad.
You wonder "how to rekindle the flame in my relationship? » Refusing conflicts helps calm the relationship.
Exercise No. 11: If you feel at your end, you can write down what you have to say and put away the sheet or notebook you wrote on. Allow some time to pass before deciding whether or not it is fashionable to have your letter read to your spouse.
12. Relaunch the flame by sharing
Multiply the activities or workshops for couples: cooking, dancing, sports competitions… Being part of a "team" and collaboration logic can only improve your understanding.
And if you are the sore loser type, forget the sporting aspect in favor of the educational one. These new common goals will bring you closer together and allow you to apply your new talents daily!
Exercise No. 12: Now, look for an activity that you could do together and make an appointment!
13. The test of the photo album to release your emotions
How can we rekindle the flame when all seems lost when the years have not answered our questions? The photo album ordeal should be able to bring back (very) buried memories, especially if you've been together for several decades.
Exercise No. 13: Wait until you are home a few hours before your partner comes home and take out all your photo albums. Please put them in chronological order; this will allow you to make a giant leap in the past. Place these albums on the living room table, for example, so your partner cannot miss them when they come home. Before his arrival, start looking at them and let yourself be moved. Think back to the context, connect the good memories, and let your emotions take over. If it does not go, a few tears are likely streaming down your cheeks. When your partner arrives, show him the pictures, and try to find your bond with "you remember this, that." You will see, it will definitely bring you closer.
14. The love letter to revive feelings
That is an activity that can change things if you try to rekindle the couple's flame. Even if convincing your partner may not be easy, ask them to take 10 minutes to write down their feelings about your situation and do the same.
How are you coping with the situation? What could be improved? Why do you want things to change? Anything that can update the fact that the feelings are still present despite this bad patch.
Exercise No. 14: Even if your partner is not very keen on this idea, you can still write this statement to him. Give it by asking him to read it with a rested head so that he understands and considers your desire to rekindle the flame.
15. Consult a professional in a couple of seizures
It is always difficult to accept that an outside person can improve your relationship, especially if you pay them.
But the fact of speaking in turn about the situation without judgment or bias (which is rarely the case when discussing with friends or family members) can be an excellent therapeutic way to overcome your temporary couple crisis.
Rebuilding a couple that is running to ruin is not easy; it is a certainty. If you no longer see a possible way out, we advise you to meet a couple of therapists.
Exercise No. 15: If you cannot afford it or you hesitate to meet a marriage therapist, you can also take a soft toy, a ball, a doll, your cat, or your dog to tell him everything. You have on the heart. Talking is good, and you will notice that we tend to find our own solutions by speaking out loud!
16. Make a long-term commitment and be happy together
If you want to rekindle the flame over the long term, you will not have to be satisfied with a single breath; your efforts will have to be constant.
Therefore, it will be necessary for your daily life to become a source of happiness to fulfill.
Who can only establish happiness and love within a couple if both spouses are happy? Even if this is not in your nature, try to be upbeat.
Enjoy every moment. You have the opportunity to have breakfast together on your terrace: make sure you realize how lucky you are to be there with the person you love. Life is good, and you must take advantage of it.
Do not hesitate to share your emotions when you are feeling well. Be enthusiastic and smile, you will see, it changes a lot of things.
If you manage to train each other, you will quickly regain the happiness of being together. Stick to these habits; always stay positive. Advance both sides by the side, add your forces, and you can lift mountains!
Exercise No. 16: Be enthusiastic every day; make sure you see the glass half full.
17. Pursue your dreams as a couple
What keeps the flame alive in a couple is the conviction that you share your life with someone exceptional. And one of the things that can foster this belief is communicating with your ex/partner about the most important things to you.
Talk to your ex about each other's dreams. For example, if you have a dream in common, crossing Siberia on horseback, suggest that he start doing this project together.
If you don't have dreams in common, try working as a team on your individual projects: for example, if you want to start a business and your partner wants to write a novel, set yourself a few weekly slots to work simultaneously with everyone who has their own project, comment on your progress and support each other.
Exercise No. 17: Keep in mind that reviving the flame in a couple brings you emotionally closer to each other. The important thing is not the place, it is the atmosphere.